What’s A Guy To Do?

Back at No1 for the third time in four months!


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NumberOneMusic Charts | week 12, 2016

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What’s A Guy To Do

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#1 for Country Pop in United Kingdom




From The Maligned Species project by Fair Acre Press (Feb ’16)

Screen Shot 2016-02-17 at 17.37.20



There’s a frog in the garden

A frog in the night

He’s making a stupendous din

Beneath the bright moonlight

He’s hopping in the rain

And he’s getting very wet

He’s searching for a sweetheart

But he hasn’t found one yet.


“Diddely doo doo

Croak croak croak I’m getting very drenched

Croak croak croak in this soggy froggy trench

Doo Doo…”


There’s a frog on a tree stump

A frog in the night

He’s feeling like an awful chump

With no one to hold tight

He’s lonely once again

And becoming quite upset

He still can’t find a sweetheart

They’re all playing hard to get.


“Diddely doo doo

Croak croak croak I’m getting very drenched

Croak croak croak on this soggy froggy bench

Doo doo…”


There’s a frog in a puddle  

A frog in the night

He’s in a dreadful muddle

And so wants to put it right

While scouring the terrain

He’s made out a silhouette

He’s hoping it’s a sweetheart

Come to hum a soft duet.


“Diddely doo doo

Croak croak croak we’re getting very drenched

Croak croak croak in this soggy froggy clench.

Diddely doo doo doo.”




Kill The Spider

From The Maligned Species project by Fair Acre Press (Feb ’16)


Poetry On Spiders

Kill The Spider


I had to kill the spider

I really thought I did

I had no time to guide her

Far away from where she hid.


For it was nearly bath time

The danger was too real

I couldn’t take the risk as I’m

A dad and that’s the deal.


I had to kill the spider

Although that wasn’t nice

The towels she hoped would hide her

Had been eaten by the mice.


I reached into the closet

And grabbed the insect spray

Intending to deposit

One long burst upon my prey.


I had to kill the spider

And had to do it soon

For when I first had spied her

She had almost made me swoon.


I squeezed a hasty squirt or two

As she sped up the wall

But that was clearly far too few

And didn’t work at all.


I had to kill the spider

I knew it from the start

I’d rarely seen one wider

Or with fangs so far apart.


I felt my skin start crawling

While I stared into her eyes

Imagining the mauling

She could dish out with her size.


I had to kill the spider

Although it made me sick

For right or wrong I’d tried her

And I’d done it double-quick.


Her body was so hairy

Her head was built to match

But what was really scary

Was the sight of her eye patch.


I had to kill the spider

Which filled me with regret

I’d much prefer to chide her

Like a naughty household pet.


But up she rose and scuttled off

And headed for the sink

And from behind I heard a cough

Which made me stop to think.


I had to kill the spider

I felt I had no choice

But suddenly beside her

Came a soft and soothing voice.


“Dad tell me why you’re doing this

I’m sure she meant no harm

And knowing you you’re bound to miss

You really must stay calm.”


I had to kill the spider

But now I wasn’t sure

Perhaps I could provide her

With a lift beyond the door.


And that’s exactly what I did

I caught her in a glass

And as we left I heard my kid

Say “Dad you’ve sure got class!”

On Anger – From Temptation, The Seven Deadly Sins


JANUARY 18 2016


 On Anger


In the bright white light

Of incandescent hatred and deep dislike

And fowl frustration

I dwell.


The burning hopelessness

The lure of the abyss

Too wretched to dismiss

A reeking rotten smell.


A damned desire, fetid feverish

To harm and destroy

Hurt all that was joy

Such thoughts define

My living hell.


But then the worst is passed

The peace returns at last

A less corruptive taste

Enshrouds the futile waste

The snapping of the spell.


The feeling’s gone but not forgotten

Not now not then not ever

Not all together

Not now I’ve lost

The shelter of my shell.


Madness, that firm unyielding master

May one day yet return

Then will the malice burn

As tolling comes the bell.


But for now the cuckoo’s in its cell

But for now my wrath rests where it fell

But for now the end I can’t foretell

But for now be well be well be well.